To Have or Not To Have...

Another child that is.  Don't misinterpret this right off the get go.  This is in no way an announcement.  I don't think a week goes by that we aren't asked when the next one will be on its way.  My response is always the same - NEVER.  I mean.  I JUST had a baby!  These people are nuts!  But as we are quickly approaching Lily's first birthday, I'm realizing we actually didn't just have a baby.  So yes.  Mike and I have talked about another baby.  And the conversation is always the same.  Maybe when Lily is potty trained.  Or in kindergarten.  Or driving.  Or never.

Mike will tell you he's 100% sure he doesn't want another baby.  I'm only about 70% sure I don't want another so if you do the math that means we're both still undecided.  The reality?  I'm scared to death to have another baby.  Women who've experienced preeclampsia in their first pregnancy are 20% more likely to experience it in their second.  And depending on the severity of the case, the figures can rise to 80%.  Prevention methods? None.  Other than knowing what to look for this time.  The cure?  Delivery.  And I'm not about to jump into that again.

So what's keeping Mike from getting snipped?  For one, in the state of Michigan, a married man needs his wife's consent.  Don't you love that we know this?  But mostly it's my fear of that "only child syndrome" stereotype.  Mike keeps reminding me that it's all about the parenting and while we may know people that fit that spoiled and self-centered stigma, we also know plenty of people that don't.  And then he'll start reciting off some statistics.  Did you know it costs $235,000 to raise a child to the age of 17?  Did you know that 1 in 5 children are raised in a single-child family?  You think you don't have your shit together now?  Let's just throw in another baby.

Last night as I was feeding Lily dinner in her high chair, she scrunched up her face and bore down to mess her pants.  I set the spoon down and yelled to Mike that it was his turn for a dirty diaper.  He wagered weekend morning duty if I changed her.  He knows my weakness.  So while I waited for Lily to finish her business, I noticed there was liquid dripping from her chair.  As I looked closer, I realized it was brown liquid running out of her pant leg all over my carpet.  And I freaked.  As Mike carried Lily fully strapped in her high chair to the tub, he was shouting at me - I've lost my appetite for the rest of my life!  Seriously?  You want another kid?  Are you kidding me?  You want to experience this again?  And I couldn't stop laughing.  I mean.  What would I have to write about if Lily didn't let us experience these crazy things?

When I look at some of our friends and other people we know that have kids Lily's age (if not younger), it makes me cringe to know that most of them are either already pregnant again or already actively trying.  And that reaction tells me that we aren't ready to have another baby.  But then the thought of Lily not having a brother or sister to hang out with sometimes breaks my heart.  And that reaction tells me we aren't ready to permanently call it quits.  So for now, I can honestly tell you I have no idea if we'll have another baby.